Mental Floss is partner with FilmNation and iHeartPodcasts to bring you the transcripts forGreatest Escapes , a podcast hosted by Arturo Castro about some of the wildest escape stories across history . In this instalment , Lauren Ash(Not Dead Yet , host of theTrue Crime and Cocktails podcast ) takes a wild drive through the suburbs of Connecticut as Arturo pulls a major April Fools turn of events with this week ’s escapee … and the steaks — er , stake — have never been high ! Read all the transcriptshere .
Arturo Castro : Hey cat , receive toGreatest Escapes , a show bringing you the risky true dodging stories of all time . Now today , we ’re pursue a heartwarming story : the story of an escapee who the whole community tease around — he even got the police on his side ! Very telling .
I ’m Arturo Castro , and I ’m joined by a fantastical actress and comedian who also hosts the podcastTrue Crime and Cocktails : Lauren Ash .
Let ’s go !
[ musical theme ]
Arturo : Lauren Ash !
Lauren : Oh what a joy in my life . Thank you .
Arturo : Welcome to the show .
Lauren : Oh my gosh . I ’m so happy to be here . I was so excited when I saw this do through my email . I was like , “ hell yes . I can not hold back . ” This is the best .
Arturo : You get laid , it ’s one of those things where — where , you know , the wonderful folks at FilmNation — I make love FilmNation . FilmNation is great . I love them . Help me . They have my kinsperson surety .
Lauren : I finger like perchance you are diagram an escape cock ? I do n’t know . I do n’t know . I do n’t be intimate .
Arturo : What ? Nothing . I love them . They treat me so well .
Carl : Arturo will not be escaping any meter soon .
Lauren : de jure , contractually bind . I gotcha .
Lauren’s Escape
Arturo : Lauren , I wanted to inquire you : Do you have a greatest leakage narration ?
Lauren : You know what ’s so funny ? I , uh , was with my serious acquaintance of 10 , sorry , 10 ? Twenty years last nighttime , Leslie Seiler , uh , we satisfy –
Arturo : Woah !
Lauren : Yes ! We assemble 20 years ago this month . And I said to her , I was like , “ I ’m doing this podcast and it ’s about escapes . ” And I was like , “ and I ca n’t think – ” and she goes , “ Boston . ” And I went,“that ’s it . ” Immediately she was like — she have intercourse .
Arturo : Please tell me Mark Wahlberg is imply .
Lauren:“Oh Buddy , we ’re gon na go — we’re gon na go . We ’re gon na get some sandwich . We ’re gon na eat a lobster axial rotation . ”
Arturo : OK , so — tell me so what happened in Boston ?
Lauren : She and I , again , we conform to 20 years ago . We — we were skillful Quaker , drollery partners , and we were going for this comedy festival in Boston and we were staying kind of far from the locale . And so you had to take a — like an Uber or a taxicab , but this was kind of at the time when Uber was just starting . So for … for those of us — we were like , “ how does it cultivate ? Do we have the app ? ” We were still hailing cab at this point in the worldly concern . OK .
Arturo : It was hella expensive and like hard to get , I retrieve at the beginning .
Lauren : Totally . Totally . And so we — we had follow out of the hotel and we had so much material cause we were doing a sketch clowning show , so I do n’t have to tell you : wigs .
Arturo : Wigs .
Lauren : So we ’ve start out a lot of gear and we ’re waitress and we ’ve somehow , for some reason , we like , walk a half a block from the hotel and we we ’re like , “ ah , there ’s no cabriolet . What are we gon na do ? ” And then this auto rive up , it ’s a black car , it ’s a decent car . And this guy cable go , um , “ where are you going ? ” and we both were like , “ um , ” and he is like , “ I ’ll take you . ” And it was in this minute that I looked at her and she seemed all right with it . And she afterward assure me that she looked at me and I seemed OK with it , when in realism neither of us was fine with it .
Arturo : Wow .
Lauren : And so we were like , “ OK , I guess we ’re getting into this overlooked limousine machine affair . ” We put our stuff in , but automatically — now mind , this is pre - me receive a True Crime podcast , but I was already — I … I ’m very familiar with theDatelines . I know where this could go .
Arturo : I was gon na say , man , like , you know that is like , 101 . Yeah .
Lauren : So on my phone I ’ve pulled up where we are supposed to be going . Cause again , it ’s not our town . And I ’m like — and I ’m look on and then I have the true horror set in as I watch this gentleman decease the wrong way and he gets on a thruway and he ’s driving away from –
Arturo : No . Oooooooh .
Lauren:–where we require to go . And in this moment , this is when I — my anxiety wit take over . And I differentiate her later that I was like—“this is the picture that my brain paint . ” I was like : “ he was gon na force back us to an abandon airport hangar , and that ’s where we get polish off . ”
Arturo : Very specific .
Lauren : Abandoned airdrome hangar ?
Arturo : Yes . Very ecological niche . There ’s so many of them . You know — people do n’t have intercourse , mass … it ’s a rearing , uh , it ’s a rampant abandonment of aviation , of atmosphere hangers in — the east coast .
Lauren : Oh my God . But in this instant — so this is , all this — I’m playing the movie of the rest of the end of my life in my head .
And I ’m watching him go past exit after exit , and after the third exit , the further we ’re get down from the — from where we ’re supposed to be … I ’m Canadian . Can I curse on this show ? Do we anathemize ?
Arturo : Yeah , f * * * it .
Lauren : So in this moment I was like , something take over in me . And again , fight to the death , I guess came out even though I never predicted it . And I was like , “ listen motherfer , you ’re going the wrong fing way and you ’re gon na get off this state highway and you ’re gon na take this turn and you ’re gon na wanna … ”
And he was like , “ OK . ” And he did . And then I was like , “ heed , from here on out , I am navigating not you . ” And I was like telling him where to go and — and he ram us there . And I do n’t know what his ultimate finish was . I cogitate it was just taking us for a ride to get more money . I cogitate that finally it was not needs villainous , but ultimately , I conceive what I showed him was , this is n’t gon na be easy for you . This is not gon na be fun . But the best part was we finally arrive at our goal , which should have been about a $ 15 ride . And he ask for $ 75 .
Arturo : How f***ing presume he . Also , I — I bed the idea of you combating a serial killer whale with assertiveness . Like … that ’s like — they’re like , “ oh no , I ’ve been foil . Somebody — somebody spoke with preeminence . ” You know .
Lauren : I guess it depends on the form of ride that guy cable ’s looking for . Do n’t pardon the paronomasia . But again , it ’s like , you be intimate — it was like , “ this is gon na be too much trouble for you — for you dude . But I ’ll never forget . ”
Arturo : But you ’re right . citizenry desire easy prey , do n’t they ?
Lauren : Yes . But what we have said ever since then — this is the follow up to this — is that it was like , we escaped death — potential death — once . We can never solicit it again .
Arturo : Yeah . You get the one . You get the one .
Lauren : You get one and that ’s it .
Arturo : You’re a Canadian , you might get two .
Lauren : We consider ourselves dependable global citizens for the most part . We ’re just buying karma .
Arturo : That ’s right . There you go . You have another encounter with death . Don’t — don’t you vex about it .
Like , put yourself at risk . Take that extra guess , jump in that railcar .
Lauren : utterly !
Arturo : Ben , can you gimme that cool , like , chapter medicine , please . You know when we change bloke –
[ Notification ding ]
Ben ? Ben ?
[ improper cut ]
No , military personnel !
Ben : Chapter music ? !
Arturo : Like it was more — you recollect ? It was like more emotional . Like , what did we do last … last one . We ’re gon na cut all this out but …
Ben : Yeah , definitely . Um , oh , this one ?
[ Correct cut ]
Arturo : Yes .
Ben : Like , turn - the - pageboy form of matter ?
Arturo : Yes , please . OK , so I ’m gon na go — Ben , give us some proficient chapter music .
[ ill-timed cut again ]
God dammit , Ben ! We just talked about it !
Chapter 1: Buddy Breaks Free
Arturo : Today , we set about inside a prisoner transport rattling down the Massachusetts Highway . They ’re being ship outta nation to nearby Connecticut because everyone inside is scheduled for … execution .
Lauren : Oh no . Also , Massachusetts . We ’re in the — we’re in the same world here .
Arturo : Yeah , that ’s right . And they were all being driven by , uh , an unmarked fomite . It was August 3 , 2020 .
Along with the other prisoners , Buddy pulled up alongside the newfangled facility , and they jostled each other nervously as they came to a stop . After four years penned up in Massachusetts , he had been haul to Plymouth , Connecticut , to pall .
Lauren : Ugh .
Arturo : What do you recognize about the end penalty in Massachusetts ?
Lauren : Uh , you know what ? I should bed more . I have a true crime podcast , have for two geezerhood , but I — I was n’t aware that it was in beingness in Massachusetts any longer . Am I right ?
Arturo : Well , great penalisation was overturned for Department of State crimes in 1984 . Only Union crimes were punishable by end . So Connecticut kept the death penalty for much , much longer .
Lauren : Got it .
Arturo : So in 2020 , Buddy was scheduled for execution , but he had different ideas .
OK , so this was the first meter the Massachusetts and Connecticut facility had actually worked together . And the handoff was n’t really the smoothest . OK ? In fact , when he was being unloaded , Buddy check his opportunity . Somehow , he was able to slue past the restraints , sidestep the guards , and cart bottom in good order to freedom .
Lauren : Oh my God .
Arturo : There was a extremely stocky forest nearby , and Buddy dive into the tree diagram and totally disappeared . So it was an capricious flight , you know ? He saw his opportunity , and he took it . But whoever say that it takes elaborate planning for an dodging to be large , right ? This one was pure inherent aptitude .
Buddy just disappeared in the woods around Plymouth , Connecticut . Now , he was n’t hiding for long . In fact , multiple 911 call came in when Buddy was descry crossing the highway nearby . The police were so flying on his tail , but Buddy was n’t leisurely to catch . You lie with , he was a really big clotheshorse , like terrifyingly big , and he was ace tight , too . So once he got into the trees , he well lose everyone who was on his trail .
Lauren : Oh my god .
Arturo : Now the police excogitate lethal military force , but said it would only be necessary if Buddy start to roam the streets and threaten the public in Terryville . So it was like a conditional lethal military group action .
It was more than three calendar week afterwards , on August 27 , that the police eventually put the word out that he was on the loose . The Plymouth Police posted on their Facebook page that they were working with the two other bureau to recapture the escapee . He had been last go out along Connecticut ’s Route 72 .
Lauren : So they waited three weeks to alert the public ?
Arturo : Yeah , I think it ’s because of … yeah , it’s — it ’s hard to admit when you pull a dumbass act , you know ?
Lauren : I guess when he did get forth , he luxate away so easily . Yeah , I guess possibly that ’s a tough affair to be like , “ Hey bozo , our uncollectible . ”
Arturo : Also , I fuck the melodic theme that they ’re like , “ we have to announce it somehow . We have to — OK , just put it on the f***ing Facebook page . OK . Nobody read that one . ” They actually printed it on their MySpace page , you know ?
Lauren : Exactly . “ It was there . We put it out there . ”
Arturo:“Put it up there , adult male , you know , we — we’ve announced it . You guys just did n’t gibe , uh , highfive.com at that time . ”
Arturo : So for the most part , Buddy was a really gifted fugitive from justice . He stayed under the covering fire of the woods , ate his food super raw , and remain quiet . Even so , the town of Terryville was told to be cautious . The police articulate that Buddy was strong-growing and a confrontation with him would do serious trauma . The town was monish to keep their distance and call 911 on website .
Now , on Monday , September 1 , 2020 , the res publica bourdon unit — it was basically a twosome of gamers down in Connecticut being like , “ I ’ll do it . I do n’t , I get nothing else to do”—as well as local and state officers combed the woods along Judd Road and Route 72 on the N side of Terryville , Connecticut . Buddy had been at big for almost a month by this point . Now the local law master on the case , his name is Edward Benecchi . Am I say that in good order , Overlords ?
Carl : That is right .
Arturo : OK . So Edward Benecchi had antecedently — I’m no-account , to all my Italian American friends — um , had antecedently worked enforcement on narcotics , on gangs , and firearm trafficking . Right ? But this was something completely new . Buddy was monumental and quick , so capturing him was difficult . Some would say he ’s the survivalist , you fuck ? Like if he were on a endurance TV show game , he ’d definitely be the star . How — how well would you do Lauren on –
Lauren : Terribly .
Arturo:–on a subsister show ?
Lauren : dreadfully .
Arturo : Have you ever seenAlone ? Uh , what ’s –
Lauren : Naked and Afraid ?
Arturo : No . There ’s one call in — yes , Naked and Afraid — there ’s one just calledAlone , I retrieve , and it ’s like , so f***ing scary .
Lauren : The ones where they throw off you in the middle of the wood and you ’re completely naked , and it ’s like , “ figure it out ! ” I — that is what would happen to me in like , a purgatory state of affairs after demise if I — if I did tough things in life . Like , I — I do n’t wanna camp , I do n’t wanna glamp . People are like , “ glamping . It ’s fun ! ”
Arturo : No , I do n’t wanna glamp . I wanna shower , military personnel .
Lauren : I wanna exhibitioner because here ’s my question . How is tent anything other than bragging ? It is vaunt that I can last and I don’t — I have no — I can be base and say I would n’t !
Arturo : Well , you — you also realize like , as actors , like how meaningless our science are in an Revelation of Saint John the Divine . Like , I mean , we’re — everybody ’s like , you know , this comedian used to say this and I love her for it , but she ’s like , she ’s like — she would be walking around with an almond being like , “ can anybody turn this into Milk River ? Can anybody ? ” And me , I would be like , “ yeah , I do n’t really hunt down or like , dig for stuff , but … ”
Lauren : We just have to hope that people still need amusement . I retrieve that that ’s it . Like you engender ta hope that like — I mean , the musician did go down with theTitanic , so that ’s possibly not a great equivalence …
Arturo : Yeah . Nobody was like , “ get — get — make certain the musicians get in first ! ” You know . “ The music must live on , the music must experience on ! ”
Lauren:“It must keep go ! Get the laughs . Give these two a script ! ”
Arturo : I would learn to tap saltation or something super merchantable . I ’d be like , “ you cat need some tap dancing . ”
Um , so Ed — this Ed Benecchi — cerebrate that he could corner Buddy because Buddy was also young , you recognise — in fact , Buddy was only4 year older .
Lauren : Huhhhhhh ! ? ! ?
Arturo : So here ’s where we have –
[ Corny plot show medicine ]
– Lauren , what do you retrieve Buddy in reality is ?
Lauren : Uh …
Arturo : figure one : We have a sadistic wench possess by an malevolent intent of a serial killer .
bit two : Is he a top undercover , early paradigm kinetic , automatonlike system of rules that developed contrived intelligence ?
Or number three : a beefalo escaping slaughter .
Lauren : expect a second . What ’s a cattalo ?
Arturo : Don’t worry about it . Is it a beefalo ? Is it a top secret prototype or a sadistic chick ?
Lauren : OK . Well , you said he was fully grown . You said he was unseasoned . You said he was capable to eat bare-assed food and he could sidestep thing and we could n’t shoot him . I do n’t know what a cattalo is , but part of me wonder if it is a cow - buffalo hybrid that for some rationality …
[ Ding ding ]
Arturo : Ding , ding , dent , ding , dingdong ! You capture it ! I do n’t stand for to say do n’t worry about it , but they told me I could n’t tell you what it was .
Lauren : No , I love this game .
Arturo : I am — yeah — I am under contract . They ’re so squeamish to me . I love them so much .
Lauren : I’m , I ’m gon na transmit you a burner phone , hunky-dory ?
Arturo : I really — please give me … yeah . Um , I did n’t jazz what a beefalo was either , but I think the name is f***ing hilarious . So , yeah , it ’s a cattalo , [ which ] is — is a bison coalesce with — with a moo-cow I consider , or … proper ? Am I veracious ? Uh , guys ?
Carl : Yes , sir . A beefalo is a bison - cow hybrid .
Lauren : Oh my gosh .
Arturo : Um .
Lauren : OK , this is awful . I jazz this turn . This is fantastic .
Arturo : So listen , it turn out Buddy ’s only criminal offense was being hold a beefalo .
Lauren : Ah !
Arturo : So bison , you know , they’re — they’re lean and mean and cows are teachable , but deport less meat , so when they scotch - bred in the 1870s , it was suppose to make the complete healthy meat animal as skimpy as a bison , but as patrician as a cow .
They have been tested as having high vitamin levels and more protein than beef . And they were suppose to be easily lead from the feedlot to the killing floor . Now you’re able to visit AmericanBeefaloAssociation.com for the full picture , which is actually a matter , which I love .
But the dot is that Buddy the beefalo was literally breed for slaughter . But he was not planning to be ware . Nay ! Not Buddy , my friend . In fact , his initial escape was just the beginning .
Give me a moo sound , will you ?
Lauren : Me ?
[ Moo ]
Lauren : Oh .
Arturo : No , Lauren .
Lauren : I love that I think that you were saying it to me . I was like , “ oh , OK , yep . Moo ? Yeah , of track ! ”
Arturo : She was about to “ yes , and ” it . No . Um –
Carl : Lauren , you ’re welcome — you’re receive to make any sound effects you would care .
Lauren : give thanks you so much .
Arturo : Yeah . Sorry Lauren , but I would n’t ask you so — so succinctly . I would be like , “ Lauren , do you take care ? ”
Chapter 2: On the Loose
Arturo : So , Lauren , now that we have sex the escapee is in reality a cattalo , what we ’ve got is a really lighthearted floor , correct ?
Lauren : Yes !
Arturo : This happened betimes in the pandemic , and to me , I do n’t know , it really showcases , the — like , the power of biotic community , and how we all needed a little optimism and a little comedy in that prison term , you know ? So allow ’s have some fun with it . Yeah ! ?
Lauren : A hundred percent .
Arturo : Now , Buddy ’s escape was reasonably unusual . The butchery he turn tail by from was a full service facility . You know , they did the slaughtering , and the butchery , packing , and shipping out cutting of primo beefalo . Everywhere . You get a beefalo , you get a beefalo ! That ’s all they did .
They were the real pros and they were n’t used to their brute escape . So obviously , neither were the local cops . After the police put out an APB on Buddy , Captain Ed … Bighetti , what is it ? Michetti ? lord ?
Carl : Benecchi . Yeah .
Arturo : OK , good-for-naught . Captain Ed Benecchi , um — captain Ed Benecchi pass on a statement to the press . He enounce that at one point there was an police officer who had cornered Buddy , but in Ed ’s words , I quote , “ Yeah , he approached the brute , but the animal put his principal down and commence to paw the ground aggressively or scratched the ground substantial aggressive - like , so at the time , the serjeant-at-law tactically relocate , which is another term for he had crawfish out it from the expanse . ”
What , what — what alibi , what excuse would you make to save face when you ’re fundamentally telling people that an angry moo - moo gross out you out ? You know ?
Lauren : An angry moo - moo . I like that term a mint . I think of , I imagine , uh — I think it ’s fair to say I felt like I was gon na be charge , but I gauge my enquiry then would just be — and I love this is n’t answering your question directly — but if he ’s kind of menace to you , then I sense like you do have license to use deadly force because the whole breaker point was , right … so . It kind of feels like in that moment you buzz off ta come up with something else , which I estimate then I would just be like , “ I am a vegan , I ’m a vegetarian and could n’t ethically , so … ”
Arturo : I have rule Buddhism , uh , in that moment where he was stomping on the background .
Lauren : Right .
Arturo : But , so I can imagine them being like , “ yeah , you know , I was just , uh , I made a tactical hideaway . ” They always love to spill in military term . I ’m like , “ so you — so you black market away to a storage ? ” “ No . Yeah , it ’s called the Tactical Retreat . ”
Lauren:“I made a tactical retirement . I did a , uh — I did a flake of a tumble into a ditch , was what it was , uh , if I ’m being good . ”
Arturo : Evasive tactical maneuver , kind of John — John Wick trend . I ’m care , “ oh , so you jumped into the crotch hair ? Yeah , yeah , yeah … ”
Lauren:“Turned my ankle pretty bad , actually . I was laid up for a couple weeks with that . ”
Arturo : I do n’t have a go at it what the Connecticut accent sounds like , but the — I conceive this is just what I ’m gon na keep it as . So keep in mind though , Buddy was almost a thousand pounds in weight unit . So we can forgive him for , for — for the tumble . For the very brave tumble .
Lauren : Of course .
Arturo : As word spread , reporters started ask Terryville residents what they thought of the escape valve , if some of them were afraid or if they sense a little different about it . So one of them said :
Ben:“They wanna make steak in beefburger from this fauna . We do n’t want that ! ”
Arturo : One Plymouth resident who put food out in their backyard for Buddy said :
Tory:“Well , in force for him . He knew it was come . And now he ’s out venturing . ”
Arturo : So this guy was from the very mystifying south of Connecticut .
Arturo : That ’s right . So as the word — as the word about Buddy spread , he got his Connecticut neighbors on his side , which is actually really cunning . Locals created this Buddy t - shirt . And on September 12 , a Buddy the Beefalo Twitter start spout off , correct ?
The first tweet was “ on the run and having fun . Hashtag live large , hashtag cattalo balling . ”
[ Laughs ]
What — which … OK , which team are you in ? Are you on , Lauren ? Is it beefaloballing or just beefalo bolognese . Like what do you … ?
Lauren : No , it ’s cattalo balling . reckon , I was a — I was a vegetarian for nine years . I follow back to the dark side .
Arturo : You told me this .
Lauren : Yeah . Um — which is fine . But the — but the point is , is that I do find a brace of thing . One , I ’m care , “ yeah , he — he ’s an animal . He ’s lean . ” I ca n’t blame him for that — wouldn’t you ? I would — I mean , again , I ran away from a unmarked car .
But the point I think that is big for me is just , it ’s interesting to … to make a disconnect that it ’s like , well , there ’s also hundreds of others . Like , he ’s just the one that got away . Like , if you are opposed to him being killed , you kinda have to extend it …
Arturo : Then we fuck off ta excuse everybody . What do you want , a cattalo population to go out of control ? And people were like , “ I did n’t even know a f***ing cattalo existed up until like — like , I do n’t do it . ” Like , you ’re draw me to like , make a stance on something I just found out exists . So , OK . I do n’t know . This cattalo is the cattalo . But also , you eff , like if he wants it bad enough , I ’m like … you kind of root for , you root for the underdog , do n’t you ? Or the under - devotee …
Lauren : You do — you root for the under - buff .
Arturo : Oof . Wow . I ’m gonna — the comedy community of interests is gon na write me a very strongly worded email about that one .
Lauren : I loved it .
Arturo : It was clear Buddy had the sympathy of the populace , right ? The Plymouth Police construe their chance to get people on their side . So rather than taste to fascinate Buddy to return him to the owners , they come up with a very dissimilar program . They will fascinate Buddy so that they could set him free .
[ tattle ] “ We ’re here , we ’re tumbling and we ’re doing a tactical retirement and we ’re setting Buddy destitute . Hallelujah ! ”
Lauren : But how ? I have a plenty of questions . Set him gratuitous ?
Lauren : He ’s grew — he was born into captivity . Like , he ’s … I guess he ’s proven he can survive . I should n’t judge .
Arturo : Wow . I guess you ’re proving that you ’re on beefalo bolognese side .
Lauren : Never . Never .
Arturo : I think like perchance place him free would be like relocate him to — to a farm would be my surmise , as opposed to just like letting him frickin ’ roam on the –
Lauren : Because then it ’s like now we ’ve got a wild cattalo universe , like “ uh oh . It ’s beefalo time of year . ”
Arturo : Uh oh . He ’s gonna — it ’s suddenly you’re able to get all sorts of unearthly sh*t like , uh , a beefa - lonkey , like he just starts mixing with everybody . A beefa - shepherd .
Lauren : lovely though . It ’s gon na be so cunning .
Arturo : Yeah . A beefa - corgi . It ’s gon na be really f***ing weird .
Lauren : Oh no , the leg .
Chapter 3: Setting the Trap
Arturo : So when the fuzz told the slaughterhouse that they did n’t want to bring Buddy back , that get a little bit of an issue , right ? Because they were severalize that a thousand pound beefalo would bring in about $ 6000 Charles Frederick Worth of meat .
So that was a really steep cost , but the police adjudicate that they were up for the challenge . So they launched a GoFundMe to buy Buddy from the shambles .
Wow . Anything else to do in this town , you guy rope ? Or like — you’re raising money ?
Lauren : It was the pandemic . It was early pandemic . They needed a labor .
Arturo : I’m certain homelessness is not a problem that you could aid by a GoFundMe . No , no , no . Let ’s set up — permit ’s rig this cattalo innocent .
Lauren : Yup .
Arturo : Meanwhile , they stayed on Buddy ’s trail , proper ? Captain Ed put his police dog Sarick into service to give chase Buddy down .
[ Dog snuff ]
Now … is that a sniffing , Ben ? Wow . It is so inside my ear . Wow . I palpate weird .
Ben : That was n’t me sniffle . That was an actual detent .
Arturo : Guy , I feel weird .
So during the day , Captain Ed would pursue his normal law duty and in the eve he was off his shift . So he would take Sarick and the two of them would collect the latest lead . Then they would head out to track Buddy .
Lauren , is this a heartwarming primetime sitcom or what ? Like , you know , off - duty captain , his trusty hound , turned private eyes in animal delivery ?
Lauren : I guess it ’s just for me , it ’s … [ laughs ]
Arturo : Tell me . Give it to me !
Lauren : I have a lot of doubtfulness . First of all , are we eat up buffalo like beefalo ? Like are they selling cattalo ? Is beef … ?
Arturo : That was the first thing that I suppose . I was like , $ 6000 worth of it . Like …
Lauren : How — who’s — I have never heard of this in my life . It feels to me like this is a manner that they somehow save money rearing cows . And we — we do n’t have it away . And this is part of like , the Big Beef Conspiracy . That ’s what the first thing is for me . The second affair is , is that in a world — in a country where so many peoples — and I’m — look , we do n’t have to get political , but like , I just ca n’t think that this cattalo lived this long . Like , I just … it feel insufferable to me !
Arturo : Yeah , you ’re like , “ feast them to the mass . ” Well with — with so much food that goes to waste material , I ’m sure … I ’m certain like , one beefalo wo n’t make the difference , but yes , I hear you , uh , completely on your concerns . So countenance ’s call on to my lord to see how much cattalo is … is in our intellectual nourishment .
Carl : Beefalo is in every pound of beef that you could buy at the supermarket . In fact , cattalo is used to make tofurkey . Every pound of bean curd that you bribe is half cattalo .
Arturo : Every — wait , every pound of dud that I buy is half f***ing beefalo ? !
Carl : Have you ever seek to buy a courgette at the grocery store ? You were actually test to buy a logarithm of cattalo .
Arturo : Was that a put-on ? Were you making a funny remark ? [ Pause ] Wow . I was like , “ oh my God . ” Did you — did you believe he was serious , Lauren ?
Lauren : Why am I so shocked ? We ’re being lie to by the governing . What a shocker about what ’s in our food ? Oooh . What a conception .
Arturo : So we ’ve all been consume beefalo and we did not know it existed ? stimulate it .
Lauren : This is like Soylent Greens , but for real . Have I ? That is the 1970 - ish reference I bring to this show . You ’re welcome .
Arturo : Thank you for bring that .
Lauren : I’m senior . I ’m an elderly human being .
Arturo : So , so , OK , so we got the captain . Is it a precious situation comedy ? Is it an compulsion of a man ? We do n’t know .
But this die on for weeks and then months , correct ? Then finally — so the guy would do his police stuff during the solar day and then at night , chase Buddy down .
So finally in the fall , the owner of a local apple plantation , Nate , called the police station cause he had spotted Buddy under his tree . Now , that kick in Captain Ed an idea . Working together with Nate , Ed decided to quit furrow Buddy and instead , now that he know where he was , they would bring Buddy to them .
What would be your good , uh , cattalo trap design ? What are you gon na like , lure beefalo with ?
Lauren : I mean , ultimately something that looks like a distaff beefalo . So I ’m gon na take a like an sometime –
Arturo : It ’s always that , is n’t it ?
Lauren:–a leather lounge . I ’m gon na put some lipstick on it , some fake eyelashes — you know what I mean ?
Arturo : Ooh . I wager you there ’s like — I bet you there ’s like a thrift stock in Portland that has just such a purpose , you bonk ?
Lauren : I warrant that , actually .
Arturo : They’re like , “ we ’ll turn your , your couches into moo-cow and then we ’ll bring ‘ em back to life in a ceremony . ”
Lauren : Exactly . And then we just plant a verbaliser there and — and pump some female beefalo mating sounds or … or whatever . And easy peasy , no trouble .
Arturo : Which is a , it ’s coincidently DJ Khaled ’s next remix . It ’s coupling , distaff cattalo speech sound . “ D - D - DJ , DJ Khaled . ”
Um , I wonder if the distaff beefalo is also call a “ beefalo . ”
Lauren : Oh , great question . Or is it a beefala ?
Arturo : Give it to me , Carl . It ’s called “ beefala ” ?
Carl Nellis : It is call “ beefalita . ”
Arturo : Beefalita , alright !
Lauren : Oh my gosh … ( singing ) “ Beefalita , I ’m wait for you ! ”
Arturo : Wow . So many ’ 90s hits in my foreland at one time .
Lauren : Again , elderly .
Arturo : So their luring plan started with a big ass creature trailer , right-hand ? One big enough to hold Buddy if the cattalo would actually go inside . But that was surrounded by cattle fencing circled up around the trailer to create a coral , correct ? A cattle pen , I trust you guys call it , I call it a “ precious coral . ” F***ing process me .
So leading towards the laggard , an open logic gate on the far side offer Buddy a way in , right ? So Captain Ed get urine from a distaff cow , a beefalita , to practice as [ a ] enticement to draw a Buddy into the cage alongside some hay and some grain . So you were whole right , kind of , Lauren .
Lauren : Listen , I — I was a piffling more creative about it . Again , the ending of the world , I ’d wish to cerebrate that that ’s what the artists bring . Creativity .
Arturo : That ’s right . Be like , “ give this woman a couch . She ’s gon na entice some dinner party . ”
So I — I wish we had the transcription of that conversation . Right ? Like , if you had to near the owner of a cattle herd , like , how would you go about asking for like moo-cow urine — like female cow urine .
Lauren : Well , I imagine they have to hope that one of the female cows used the bathroom in the night and did n’t flush the toilet . You get laid what I have in mind ?
Arturo : Yeah , there you go . But yeah , I just imagine that conversation like , “ hey , uh — hey , how you doing ? Hey , God bless you . So how ’s your mother ? Good , good , good . So listen , I ’m gon na involve a , a petty minute of , uh , animal smells , you know , for some sniffing . You got any , uh , you experience any cow pee lie around ? ” “ What kind of cow piss?”I do n’t sleep with , a female , distaff moo-cow — female beefalina cow . ”
Lauren : I also — I wanna take heed the conversation with his married woman or partner about this . Like , “ how was your Clarence Day ? ” Like , “ oh , I got ta go down there . I had to source some , uh , female moo-cow piss . I ’m laying a cakehole . ” It ’s like , you have been chase after this thing for a calendar month and a half !
Arturo : Ed and Nate sat together in a truck nearby holding onto a circle that halt together the gate , right ? So if Buddy come to curb on their lying in wait , they would just pull the rope and shut down the gate , and Buddy would be lock in inside .
Now , 30 minutes later , there was a whirl just at the remnant of the clearing , a rustling from between the trees , and Ed and Nate sat in Harlan Stone cold silence trying not to move .
I just got ta say also , you know , how they say , like , military man invented golf just so — just so they could have an self-justification to go on walks together ? I feel like this is like , their version of soldering be like , “ yeah , we ’re just gon na catch a cow . ” And it ’s like , “ yeah , but like , if we wanna speak about feeling while we ’re doing it , like why the f * * * not , you know ? ” So –
Lauren:“I guess I just never felt realise develop up , I think is what it is . ”
Arturo:“Yeah . Yeah . So yeah , rent ’s go catch a beefalo . And allow ’s verbalise about some sh*t . ”
So from — so from this commotion and the clearing out stepped our sidekick , Buddy .
He approached the corral , he spotted the overt gate , and he walked inside . He made his way to that muckle of piss and cereal . And that ’s when Ed and the farmer spring their trap . They jumped out of the truck and heaved the gates shut by pulling the roofy .
But these men had lowball Buddy . As the gate clanged shut , he bolted — not out the gate , nay , but directly through the Bos taurus fencing .
And the import was caught on picture . The large steel instrument panel are cast off into the zephyr and scattered around the trailer like they were just more than composition board .
Lauren : I’m so invested in this story . This is such a great one . I ca n’t even say you . This is pandemonium .
Arturo : It ’s got passion , it ’s grow Latinian language , it ’s got –
Lauren : It ’s arrive everything you call for . I also need you to know I was taking notes at points cause I was like , “ there ’s some points of this that I got ta come back to . ”
Arturo : Yeah . So Buddy the cattalo stayed on the loose , but Ed — Captain Ed had more trick up his arm .
Chapter 4: Heat Vision
Arturo : Now in interview , Captain Ed said that Buddy had become his white whale . He was set to capture the beefalo at almost any price . Fortunately , the police GoFundMe had scoop up over $ 9000 . So all the expense were covered in under a daytime . Now all that was left to do was see the brute . Lauren , would you have contributed to the hashtag beefalo balling GoFundMe ?
Lauren : You recognize , honestly , the more I think about it … possibly , I do n’t acknowledge . It was a time — we got ta remember this clock time , though . This was September 2020 . We all needed a hero . We all wanted something , you know , and perchance –
Arturo : That ’s true .
Lauren:–the community felt , you experience , bestow together by all of this . I think it ’s just because it ’s uh , you be intimate — again , it ’s like there ’s just so many of them , but I guess only the one induce out . So maybe he is extra and I should be more supportive of Buddy specifically .
Arturo : Yeah . Also , I bonk the irony of like , you fuck , the local townspeople watching this on the news and like , rooting for Buddy while , like , deplete a f***ing 12 apothecaries' ounce steak . You love ? They ’re like –
Lauren : I know .
Arturo:“Oh human being , I really trust he makes it out . I never had any cattalo in my living , but you know , ” And little did they know that that ’s cattalo that they ’re eat .
Lauren : It is .
Arturo : We’ve all been eat up beefalo .
Lauren : You tell this has been snuff it on since 1870 . That I wrote that down . I was like , “ this is the greatest keep hidden in the world . We ’ve been eating cattalo ! ”
Arturo : That ’s right , and we revealed it . I sleep with that this is gon na like — what if this is the last strand of saneness that the world was like tip on . Like , once this is revealed , everything just f***ing snaps outta position and every –
Lauren : That ’s it . It ’s over . Yep .
Arturo : The apocalypse starts .
Um , so . Captain Ed decided that he had a working strategy . He met with Nate and they fit in that Ed could reconstruct the trap and use it again . So they built it again , stronger this meter , and filled it again with cereal and H2O to lure Buddy in . Then they keep keep an eye on and despite their first encounter , Buddy did come back … probably because Buddy did not trust in their f***ing skills . They ’re like , “ yeah , dude . OK , yeah , gimme some grain . I ’ll be OK . ”
And not just once . Ed and Nate preserve the corral stocked and Buddy started coming back on a regular basis for the nutrient and water . This just feels like they just had a pet , to be honest . This just like — this just feels like now you just have –
Lauren : This is like run a isolated computerized axial tomography . It ’s always gon na keep come up back . You sleep together what I mean ? It ’s just — yeah .
Arturo : A big sometime stray cat . So Captain Ed begin spend his evenings after work waiting for Buddy to look . The police force chief allege that Captain Ed did not hound Buddy during function hours and quote , “ Hey , if my captain prefer to chase a cattalo on his own fourth dimension , he can do that . It ’s a free nation . ” He ’s also Steven Segal — uh , piffling known fact .
So his weird hobby did n’t jeopardize his work , but his political boss does n’t really sound thrilled about it , proper ? So when Ed and Nate were staking out the maw — more and more , this is sounding like they just wanted to bond , you know ?
Lauren : Yeah .
Arturo : F * * * it . So when he — he was accept out the ambush , rather than staying in Nate ’s truck , Ed would lie down inside the creature drone itself . He go under up cameras steer at the makeshift pen where he trust that he would trap Buddy . He even adopt night imaginativeness goggles from a fellow police officer , and used a thermal tv camera from the police section inventory so he could distinguish Buddy when he was nearby and cross his approach .
allot to one article , he supplied all of his own batteries for the constabulary equipment he was using to keep watch for the runaway . OK , buddy . So –
Lauren : Does he have a sand trap ? Is he hoard batteries ? Is this all part of this ? Does he have children ? I wanna know so much about Captain Ed ’s animation .
Arturo : Um — so Ed was haunt with the hunt , correct ? And as the calendar month got cold , he found himself lying in the frigid steel drone . He would get home from employment , eat dinner party with his wife , and then get up , bundle up in his jacket , and head for the plantation where he would lie and waitress for Buddy .
Now , his wife come out with him a few times in the eight months that he was hunt down Buddy down . But it was his obsession , not hers . And in an audience she say that she mostly hoped that he ’d just be safe , you know ?
Um , so — so Ed pick up the buffalo many time … on TV . The recordings of his surveillance camera show Buddy repeatedly step into the pen , grab his food for thought , and then hightail it out of there . Again , frankly , do they — does this sound like they even require to bewitch the beefalo ? You know , they just wanna play with nerveless surveillance gismo away from their families , do n’t they ?
Lauren : You know , if I may , I ’d like to quote — to quote make major move pictureBatman : The Dark Knight .
Arturo : Yes , please do .
Lauren : Which is , you live , “ I ’m like a weenie chasing a car . If — if I view it , I would n’t jazz what to do with it . ” I ’m paraphrasing . The point is : if and when …
Arturo : You know , I was like , “ wow , I miss that particular pedigree . ”
Lauren : give thanks you very much . I ’m very prolific and have a slap-up memory board for quotes .
The point is , uh , you know , it’s—“sometimes you just wanna learn the world burn . ” That one does n’t connect at all , but I just wanted to leaven I know a quote . The point is , I just am very curious to see how this story ends and if he does catch it , it ’s like — then what ? Like … it ’s like , what ’s the next thing ?
Arturo : I drive you . So in an consultation , Ed chalk it up to Covid , right ? He said it was 2020 and there was nothing good to do than dwell in the cold trailer and expect for a moo-cow — which to be honest , comely enough , buddy .
So this carried on throughout winter , OK ? Buddy cut a path in the snowfall to the corral , where he sleep with there was always food waitress . OK ? But Ed and Nate could never keep him inside the corral , or cajole him into the lagger . The beefalo just resist to get caught . Until …
One day in the spring of 2021 . Buddy did n’t show up for his casual eating . He was gone … gone … go . But by then the whole town knew that Ed wastheman on the hunt for Buddy .
So soon the telephone was echo down at the police station . It was a unlike local granger calling in to report . As it turned out , after 250 daylight of freedom , plus a Basle of hay and 10 pounds of grain every single day through the wintertime months , Ed discovered that he no longer had to fetch Buddy in .
After a whole winter playing catch me if you’re able to with Captain Ed . Buddy was found where he really wanted to be , and it was n’t in the makeshift cow pen with a chilly cattle trailer and a uncanny dude lying in it .
In fact , Buddy had catch the scent of another local cattle farm and it brought him wandering over . This time , he spotted a cluster of female Bos taurus . He jump the fence into the pen , trapping himself with the ladies within . [ Singing ] “ Ladies , I know I ’ve been out in the natural state for far too long , but I pick up this is a choice place for peeress moo-cow piss . ”
Um [ clears throat ] . Sorry .
The local farmer marched them at bottom , lock up them up and called Captain Ed to let him know that the runaway had in the end given up the game . Maybe all those nasty written report about him being fast-growing were a bit off the chump . It seems like Buddy , what he really was , was unfrequented .
It was Buddy himself who decided that his violent disorder to the woods of the Connecticut wilderness was over . So Buddy , he found his the great unwashed .
Chapter 5: No Cage Can Hold Me
Arturo : So once Buddy was caught , the money from the GoFundMe pay for the veteran to check him out , and then they ship him down south . One of the officers tell that they raised enough money in a single day to pay the veteran , plus the transportation , and repaying Nate for all the nutrient he brought through the winter .
Buddy was taken in by Critter Creek Farm Animal Sanctuary in Gainesville , Florida . They required a short quarantine modification period where Buddy got used to the clime . So they could check that he would n’t bring any diseases to the other animate being .
Now are you hearing me ? They seek to operate Buddy up in a solitary penitentiary , but it give out . Buddy run away doubly !
They should have pretty much known better by this period , do n’t you think , that like , Buddy does not like being put away up , man . He ’s a lonesome guy .
Lauren : No , he ’s made it quite clear and he ’s been evading — he ’s been evading all capture for a really long sentence . Like , you gonna — gotta keep him in a b or , I do n’t even have a go at it what , but this is –
Arturo : No , you just — you just got ta keep the cow piss flowing . That ’s all you got ta do .
So eventually he — once he was let out into the main pasture to jumble with the other moo-cow and even a bison named Cinnamon , Buddy calmed down .
lastly , Buddy was lone no more ! Or … nomoooore ? Oh !
Lauren:[Laughs ]
Arturo : In April 2021 , Captain Ed motor down to visit Buddy at the Sanctuary in Florida . Apparently he assay to feed the cattalo banana , but Buddy kept his length . It ’s a little sad almost watching Captain Ed essay to entice Buddy over . Our best beefalo son just will not be moved no matter what Captain Ed offers him . I guess in some way the real chase go on .
Outro
Arturo : And that ’s our story . Lauren , what ’d you think ?
Lauren : This is amazing . I think that this was unbelievable . I loved the misdirect , I loved all the details . I loved the fact that early on in the story I was going , “ what criminal offence did this yard bird commit ? Like , how severe of a — of a yard bird is — ? ” I was taking notes , I was doing what I do during my normal show .
Arturo : No , yeah — and I ’m just glad we have a really fun escape story for once with a happy ending and everything .
Lauren : Love it .
Arturo : Because , you know , this show does n’t really get a lot of those .
And also , you be intimate , in solidarity with Buddy , we ’re really going to make a contribution to the Critter Creek Farm on behalf of Captain Ed . So it ’s a actual win - win here !
Lauren : Aww , that ’s so kind .
Arturo : We , to be honorable , it ’s a cool , it ’s a — it ’s cool as any avocation , humankind . Like I — I discover how to dally cheat , so that ’s , you know .
Arturo : Some people chase cows , some people encounter chess .
Arturo : Uh , uh , where can listener find your show , Lauren ?
Lauren : you’re able to find us anywhere that the podcasts are available . True Crime and Cocktails . Uh , you’re able to find us on all the socials also , uh , if you face for that name .
Arturo : To really go out with a bang . I ’m gon na expect , uh , Ben to play us some of that sexy ’ LXX music he was flirt and I wanna ask you , Lauren , to , to babble out with me and say goodbye .
[ Singing ]
Lauren : Ooh . countenance ’s do it .
Arturo : Yeah . Beefalo , can you palpate the Moomoomoomoomoo - mahhh .
Lauren : You’re going to endure awayyyyy .
Arturo : Is it coral or corral ?
Lauren : Gonna corrode a declamatory bale of hayyy .. Oooh !
Arturo : Lauren , thank you so much !
Lauren : Oh my God , this was too fun , truly .
Arturo : Goodbye everybody . See you next week !
Credits
Arturo : Greatest Escapesis a production of iHeartRadio and FilmNation Entertainment , in association with Gilded Audio . Our executive producers are me , Arturo , Alyssa Martino and Milan Popelka from FilmNation Entertainment , Andrew Chugg and Whitney Donaldson from Gilded Audio , and Dylan Fagan from iHeartRadio .
The show is make and edited by Carl Nellis and Ben Chugg , who are also , severally , our research overlord and euphony overlord . Our associate manufacturer is Tory Smith , who is our other overlord .
Nick Dooley is our technical manager . Additional redaction by Whitney Donaldson . Special thanks to Alison Cohen , Dan Welsh , Ben Ryzack , Sara Joyner , Nicki Stein , Olivia Canny , and Kelsey Albright .
Hey , give thanks you so much for listening , and if you ’re enjoying the show , please leave a evaluation or review . My mom will call you each in person and give thanks you , and we ’ll see you all next week .
