Emily J. Shapiro, Alex Belth.Photo: Caleb Kenna
The struggles of any two people, in any relationship, are specific to them. But the fact that every relationship involves struggle is a universal truth.
Such is the power of the newAudible Original story “Here I Are: Anatomy of a Marriage,“which chronicles the decades-long relationship of married Vermont couple Emily Shapiro, 49, and Alex Belth, 50, as they deal with life’s bumps in the road, sometimes with tension but never without love.
In 2018, Belth, who works as an editor atEsquiremagazine,wrote an article inMen’s Healthabout the couple’s experience with these issues, and his role as Shapiro’s primary caregiver.
The honesty and informality of the interviews makes the protagonists instantly familiar; 10 minutes in, they feel like old friends. Shapiro’s frankness when discussing her Crohn’s, including her ileostomy bag, is disarming. So, too, is the couple’s openness on topics like sex and finances.
For Shapiro — who works as acertified life coach, with a specialty in relieving anxiety — opening up about her story has been liberating. “I learned that I’m willing to be open in a way I didn’t know I’d be able to,” she tells PEOPLE in an interview. “I really strove to put the [feelings of] shame into the light.”
Audible
Given the many people who suffer in silence from chronic illness, including the 3.1 million American adults who have Crohn’s or ulcerative colitis, Shapiro says discussing her struggles openly “can be very helpful [to others]. Because I had felt like I was on an island all these years. These are things I wish I had heard.”
Belth has watched in awe for decades as Shapiro has grappled with her illness. In her bravery, persistence and stoicism, he sees her as a hero — and thought the production of the story would help her see herself the same way.
“I’d always say, ‘You’ve got a story to tell!’ And she’d say, ‘I don’t, because I’m not cured yet. I’m not well.’ And I’d say, ‘No, no, no — it’s that you show up. That you’re intrepid.'”
Says Shapiro, “I couldn’t see it. I’ve been relentlessly striving for good health for decades, so I couldn’t see that my story was any kind of success story to tell.”
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The title “Here I Are” references a grammatical error Shapiro would make as a child. Belth found the error endearing — and the couple adopted the phrase because it reinforced that they were a team.
While “Here I Are” centers on Shapiro’s chronic illness, its themes are universal. Shapiro and Belth both talk insightfully about their childhoods and their young adulthoods — the experiences that molded them into the people they were when they started dating in 2002.
Says Shapiro, “Yes, my illness is loudest. But really, we’re two humans coming together and bringing our own baggage. It’s not just about chronic illness. It’s human to human.”
Despite the serious topics, the tone of the story is hopeful and sweet. The interplay of the couple’s personalities makes for appealing listening — and gives insight into the yin and yang that makes their relationship work.
Belth is gregarious and fast-talking, charging enthusiastically toward his points and displaying a palpable desire to get them across. Shapiro is reserved, displaying an elevated wisdom and wry sense of humor, which one surmises is hard-earned.
Both of them describe their dynamic as “Felix and Oscar,” in which Shapiro is the tidy Felix Ungar and Belth is the slovenly Oscar Madison fromThe Odd Couple.
“On the surface, it’s opposites attract,” says Belth. “But on a deeper level, I was like, ‘This woman hasbeen throughsomething.’ And she’s unblinking about it. She’s real — and real recognizes real.”
source: people.com
