As Queen once so memorably ask , “ Who wants to know everlastingly ? ” Everyone , of course of study ! Even though science is still dragging its metrical unit on the whole immortality matter , we ’ve got the lowdown on how to make your clay hold up on forever .
There ’s an intact sub - field of study of archaeology – the marvelously named “ archaeology of death ” – that deals solely with the breakthrough and interpretation of ancient human stiff . Over the years , archaeologists and paleontologists have discovered remains from all sort of different eras , include the 5300 - year - old Otzi the Iceman in the Alps , the 10000 - year - previous Kennewick Man outside Seattle , and the 3.2 - million - twelvemonth - old hominid Lucy in Ethiopia . These remains have all increase immeasurably our knowledge of the past , lending them significance and fame they could not have hop to have achieved during their own life-time .
So the real motion is – why should they have all the fun ? scientist are going to call for to read something thousands , even millions , of years from now , and that something really ought to be us ! So after direct a fat , retentive , meet life , how about following a few unproblematic steps to assure your scientific immortality ?
Get yourself mummified .
There are a lot of natural environments that will uphold your corpse after you choke , and there are enough different options to invoke to all but the most discriminating customer . you may go to inordinately cold places and get yourself frozen , you may choose place with super blue humidity , you may submerge yourself in a peat bog , you may go somewhere with very high-pitched common salt grade , or you may just expose yourself to certain chemical substance . All of these have carry on ancient men and women from as much as six thousand years ago , and you could be next !
The level of conservation in these mummy can be truly remarkable . The body up above , the fourth century BC corpse know as Tollund Man , was find in a peat peat bog in Denmark in 1950 , and decomposition was so minimal that it was originally call up he was a recent execution dupe , not an archaeologic discovery . afterward analysis has unveil a lot of fascinating details about his life , including the precise formula of his last meal , a vegetable soup made of barleycorn , linseed , gold of pleasure , knotweed , bristlegrass , and chamomile .
As for Otzi , we know what his diet was for several months before he died thanks to depth psychology of hair samples , and his lone surviving fingernail tells us that he was sick on three occasions in the six month before his dying . We fuck he carry a flint knife and wore shoes so complicated that one Czech scholarly person conclude an expert must have cobble them for him , and we have establish fifty - seven different tattoos preserved along Otzi ’s spine and leg . ( You might want to get any particularly mortifying tattoo lasered off now , just to be dependable . )
Of course , the substantial downside here is that it ’s not just pleasant to die in such a fashion that you ’ll end up dry up . Indeed – and this is a recurring theme among these ancient bodies – both Otzi and Tollund Man were most probably murdered , then left to rot . The fact that they did n’t rot and at long last achieved a pattern of immortality is a nice comfort , I suppose , but it does n’t really make up for the whole horrible destruction part .
So if you ’ve get down a piece ( study : a lot ) of supernumerary hard currency lying around , you might want to consider what we like to call the “ Tutankhamun Option ” , where you have yourself particularly preserved after your decease . This used to be a lot easier to action in cultures like ancient Egypt , where dry gangrene was the default way to wield the remains of pretty much any member of the elect course of study . Still , even though cold gangrene does continue tothe present day , you ’ll want to ensure you ’re not just another random deadened trunk when next archaeologists witness you . To that goal …
Make yourself stand out .
Look , archaeologist are sort of like the moms of scientific discipline – they ’re go to opine you ’re special no matter what you do . But if you want your stiff to really make a plash , it ’s a good idea to have something that make you distinctive . Take Clonyclavan Man , who was find in Ireland back in 2003 . He made headline for the remarkable “ gel ” found in his 2300 - twelvemonth - old hair , made from a compounding of industrial plant petroleum and true pine resin import from Mediterranean Europe . He was probably kill by an axe that had split his skull .
There ’s also Old Croghan Man , found nearby a few months later . He stomach an incredible six feet six inches tall , which is still enough improbable today and would have made him an right-down giant over two thousand geezerhood ago . archeologist also remark that his hands look to be manicure , as though he had never work a daytime in his life . That means he was either a prehistoric blogger ( they had those , right ? ) or a man of exceptionally high condition . It did n’t end well for him either , though , as he was decapitated in his twenties . He also had his legs cut off and his nipple mutilated .
Now , that is how you make someheadlines ! ( Clonyclavan Man also inspired one of the greatestpoemsin homo account . ) These eubstance managed to allude on ancient class eminence , continental barter , religions pattern ( it ’s imagine Old Croghan Man was sacrificed to a fecundity god , not unlike Nicolas Cage in The Wicker Man ) , and , good of all , MURDER ! Their narration were seemingly made for succeeding web log headlines . “ Ancient Man Murdered , Perhaps For His Hair Gel ! ” “ Two Thousand Year Old Giant Sacrificed , lose His Nipples ! ” You do n’t necessarily need to take things to such extreme , but keep in brain how you could go about distinguishing yourself from the rest of the mummified herd . journalist of the futurity will thank you .
Walk where you ’ll leave a mark .
3.5 million years ago , a trio of hominid in what is now Tanzania walked through some flabby , powdery ash left behind by the eruption of a volcano about twelve miles away . When the ash tree indurate , their step were preserved , and trillion of years later scientist are using their prints as crucial grounds in consider the growth of bipedalism . But it ’s not like these hominid left no grounds of who they were as people . Scientist have reconstructed their pace and settle they walk with a leisurely stroll . Whoever they were , these were some relaxed hominid , and it ’s not a speculative fate to be known eternally for your cushy , lay - back attitude .
The existent welfare of this method acting is you do n’t in reality have to die to provide your mark . Of course , you plausibly will die at some tip , but as these other object lesson demonstrate , it ’s kind of a nuisance ( often literally ) to fix up your last in such a way that future archaeologists will discover you . All you need to do is find somewhere with a temporarily soft surface , walk through it , and hope it remain undisturbed until it hardens . It ’s a bit like publish your name in cement , except this could last for millions of years .
That Neil Armstrong feller and the rest of the Apollo bunch had the ripe idea . The footmark they will behind on the Moon could last for as long as there ’s a Moon at all , considering there are no atmospheric strength to dot them away . Indeed , it ’s conceivable that , zillion of year from now , if the Earth is somehow cut to uninhabitable rubble , the Apollo footprints on the Moon might be the only oddment of human civilization to be found by alien archaeologist . They might suppose we all lived on the Moon ! ( OK , they ’d have to be unutterably terrible scientists to think that , but who does n’t screw a good cosmic put-on ? )
Become a fogy .
Do you desire existent staying power ? Fossils , the mineralized clay of organic matter , can be anywhere from ten thousand to three billion years old , and that upper limit is only decease to get heavy as the Earth gets older . As an added bonus , hoi polloi make out fossil – how many tiddler first get interested in science by check about dinosaur bones ? ( Countless , that ’s how many ! ) And it ’s not as though humans ca n’t get in on the fossil fun . The most famous frame in existence is arguably that ofLucy , the 40 % complete remains of a 3.2 million twelvemonth old hominid discovered in Ethiopia in 1974 . If you ’re look for the expert potential probability of preserve your remains forever , fossilization is unquestionably the way to go . But it wo n’t be loose .
First , you ’ve sire to die out the right way . Most animate being are immediately robbed of any chance of becoming fogey by foolishly getting their carcasses devoured by predator . That ’s less of a business for humanity , but you ’ll still require to select a expiry site where scavenger and bug ca n’t get at you . weak surround are often idealistic for this , so you might require to regard a lake shoring , a sinkhole hole , or even a cave . The tangible tonality is you need to take an field where deposit will build up over time and form into rocks , which is fairly essential to the fossilization process . You might just require to ask your local geologist to point you in the guidance of some shale rock . After that , it ’s really just a thing of your bones replace mineral with the surrounding rocks and then … FOSSIL !
One last bit of advice if you ’re thinking of going down the fossil path – take care of your teeth . Because of their high calcium content , tooth are among the severe structures in the body , and they are by far the most usually discovered fossil . Even if nothing else care to fossilize , your teeth still have a very decent shaft to last until some far succeeding paleontologists dig them up . And do you really want their first observance to be that you really , really could have resist to brush more often ?
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